Dream you’re mine

The journey from miscarriage to whatever comes next

24 weeks May 30, 2009

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At 24 weeks, the little guy has a chance of surviving on his own on the outside. There would be complications and interventions to make it happen, but it is possible. So I’m thrilled to say I’m 24 weeks! Here is an article with the survival percentages from the March of Dimes.  viability stats

Other than that, kinda the same old thing….I have started painting the nursery and will hopefully be able to finish on Sunday. This is our second weekend in a row with company, so it might not get done. And that is ok. I am still sleeping pretty well through the night (wake up 1-2 times to pee), reading a lot about childbirth, getting winded a little more easily, making sure I get at least one dessert per day, starting to freak out that I won’t be a good mom, etc. And feeling pretty ok about the weight gain. I started out with an “overweight” category BMI due to putting on 15-20 lbs through the miscarriages, so I’m only supposed to gain 15-25 during pregnancy. I didn’t gain anything in first tri, about one pound per week 13-20 and pretty much nothing since then. It will fluctuate from 159-161, but mostly at 160, so I’m up 8 pounds. It has set some fear in me that he isn’t growing and something is wrong (the curse of miscarriages), but I’ve gotten a lot of reassurance that everything is fine. Here is a good calculator for weight gain during pregnancy that gives ranges for healthy weight gain….I’m one pound about the minimum for my stats for 24 weeks, so I guess I’m doing alright.  pregnancy weight calculator

And here is a super cute product I stumbled across! They are monthly stickers you attach to the onesie to snap some photos and document his progress. I had to buy several sets to give to my pregnant friends too. It was hard to decide between the boy set and the gender neutral set, because I love the colors in both. I can’t wait to actually use them!  Picky Sticky

 

Big news! April 1, 2009

We have officially closed on the sale of our old house! Yea for only owning one house!! We had been paying for two since Oct…and although it was all part of our plan, it still is not fun to spend that much money each month. I celebrated with a root beer, ’cause I’m CRAZY like that.

We also now have a stroller sitting in our living room. We got the BOB revolution in mesa orange and hubs got a great deal through his PT job at the bike shop–almost 40% off! And my first order of cloth diapers comes today. I bought some used kissaluvs, which I’ll probably just supplement with a trial in the beginning. This is the extent of our baby purchases so far and no plans to purchase anything else anytime soon.

I am really struggling with how to tell people at work. Monday was the day I was going to do it, but every time I thought of uttering the words to my co-workers, I felt like I’d have a panic attack. There is just a part of me that feels like I’ll curse this pregnancy by saying anything, which is completely ridiculous and paranoid. One did ask me yesterday, so I’m thinking they will all just figure it out, huh?

And then there is my mom….I swear, she does not think before anything comes out of her mouth. She asks me yesterday if I’m nauseous. I say “I never have been. Why would that start now?” Her response? “You are so lucky.” (The beauty of being 39 is that I feel completely justified in calling her out for saying something stupid!) So I say “Lucky isn’t a word that should be used in relation to me and pregnancy. I’d gladly have puked my guts out to not have gone through everything I’ve been through.” Geez. I still can’t believe she said that!

 

Starting to buy (or think about it) March 19, 2009

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So I’m starting to feel a mix of “it’s ok to buy baby stuff” and “OMG.  We are going to need so much stuff, so better start shopping!”  My hubby doesn’t know this.  : )

I’ve found that I’m anti-bedding sets overall.  Well, there are some great ones out there, but the things I like are a little spendy and it seems that most of it is not needed (aka bed skirt, quilt, bumper) or may not even be safe.  Going with my pale yellow and aqua theme, I found a couple of fabrics to make sheets.  Here are photos that are similar, although I couldn’t find the exact color combo:

(of course the mac will not allow me to insert the photos, so here are links)

Chestnut branches in an aqua background with yellow branches

Coriander in a yellow background with aqua branches, bottom right

I like! I’ve also been researching and pondering cribs and nursery furniture in general. I thought the convertible crib is the way to go, but most are made from pine and easily scratched. Unless we want to spend quite a bit, which I can’t see doing. This is most likely the only child we’ll give birth to–I’m 39 now and there were five losses to get here. Just imagine what that would be like in my 40s?!? Someday we may adopt, but an older child, so we can’t really justify the cost over multiple kids. IKEA is going to be the way to go for us and there is one just a few miles away. No decisions yet on style or white vs birch, but it is nice to narrow it down after looking at the seemingly endless possibilities. You could drive yourself mad!

It is also a personal goal of mine to never step foot into Babies R Us. I went there with a girlfriend a few years back and that place was NUTS.

 

Milestone, baby gear and people’s emotions February 28, 2009

Lots of random stuff to say today!  First of all, I’m 11 weeks today.  I lost the second one at 11 weeks, but thanks to the doppler, I just heard a healthy little heartbeat at 175.  Yea!  I honestly would lose my mind without that thing.  Now I just need to get through when I lost the fourth one (12w3d) and found out at the NT scan (which is scheduled for 13w2d this time around.)  Maybe my anxiety level will go down then?

We also ordered our first baby purchase.  I still view things as we could have this baby or we could adopt a 2-3 year old, so some purchases are too baby specific and I’m not ready for that.  Our philosophy will be to not go overboard and to research and look for deals.  Well, I think the Up.pa Baby stroller is really cool for it’s versatility and environmental focus.  Aren’t they also made in the US?  But then I also wonder how much I’d really use the bassinet feature since the kid would be born in Sept, I want to primarily do baby wearing when small and I live in MN.  We probably won’t really start using the stroller heavily until the spring.  But then there is a circumstance that is just to hard to resist–hubby works p/t in a bike shop and can get BOB strollers just over cost.  And he can then just work it off.  We have two friends who love their BOBs and we like to do outdoorsy things.  So we ordered the BOB in mesa orange.

I know people like to go in on larger items at showers.  I just don’t know if I want to have any showers.  I don’t know when I’ll be able to let go of the fear enough and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

One challenge of infertility and/or miscarriages that is a surprise is how often you have to deal with other people’s feelings.  I know I’ve changed and I’m typically pretty private (ironic that I have this blog, no?)  So I’m sure part of it is they do not know how to react to me.  There have just been a couple of things that happened recently that illustrate how they make it about themselves.  First of all, my mom saw the u/s photo on the fridge and asked about it.  I knew it was there and inevitable, but her reaction was pretty surprising.  She covered her mouth and her eyes welled up in tears.  You know, this may be the first time she’s actually seen one of my u/s–they live 6 hours away and I don’t feel like my babies were ever real to them.  But they were tears of concern and the thought of “why would you cause yourself so much pain again?”  And what does she say???  “Were you going to tell us?”  It’s not like I’m a teenager or just gave birth to a child they didn’t know about!  I was 10 weeks.  Whatever.  We talked about it and I told her not to tell anyone, since she blabbed to my brothers last time.

Then yesterday a friend emails.  I love her dearly, but she struggles to understand where I’m at and has two boys, which just complicates things for me.  So she asks me some questions, including “do you have another u/s today?”  Why she would think that, I have no idea.  So I responded to her other questions.  She asks AGAIN.  I’m tired of being polite about this and not putting my needs first.  So since she obviously wasn’t letting it go, I said “Sorry if this sounds snotty, but it is really stressful being pregnant for the sixth time and there is a lot of anxiety to it.  Asking questions adds more stress.  I can’t explain why that is or how it feels, but that is what it does.  I promise I will keep you posted.”  Oh and I answered her questions.  That wasn’t so bad?  Would you be offended by that?  I’m not sure how to take her response.  She said it must be really stressful and seemed to understand.  Then she pulled out her own emotions of “I’ve tried to reach out to you and I’ve tried to give you space, so I’m not really sure what to do.”  I thought I was clear on what to do.  Don’t ask me about the pregnancy.  Is that really all we have to talk about?  What about work, husbands, good movies, the weather?!?!  It really sounded like she was cutting off communication and putting it in my hands.  Why can’t people just adjust their own behavior and meet you where you are?

The thing is, sometimes we feel confident about being pregnant and can talk about it.  Other times, we are filled with worry and just want to make it through today.  Most of the time we just kind of float along holding our breath and when we get those questions, it is going to make us aware of which place we are at and, the fact that it isn’t on our terms, (when so much of this is out of our controls) tips the scale to fear.  

Also last night I watched Sex and the City and thought it was stupid.  It made light of Charlotte’s infertility, serious problems were wrapped up in an instant and the stories were just so one-dimensional.  I wasn’t expecting a lot, but it didn’t even meet that.

Ok, those are all the random thoughts in my head right now.

 

Locally made cloth diapers August 2, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 9:10 am
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I’ve been reading quite a bit about cloth diapers and think I’d like to try this option.  I’ve learned that when babies are breast fed, the diapers aren’t as stinky; that you can use wetbags to store dirty diapers when out or at day care; that you can save quite a bit of money over the diapering life of the baby; that people who do it say it is relatively easy.  I also figure a messy diaper is going to be a messy diaper, whether cloth or disposable.  We’ll still have a lot of cleaning up to do.  Throwing the diaper into the wash doesn’t seem like a huge step (spoken from someone who has never been a mom and can’t imagine just how busy and tired I might be!)

So I just found a local vendor for cloth diapers.  She had an ad on cragislist for a discount for buying more than 6 as well.  I love the idea of using someone locally, so here is the website for when that time comes…www.twigandvine.com.

 

I am in LOVE! July 19, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 7:14 pm
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Wow.  I love this nursery bedding.  Yes, I’m a little ahead of myself, but it is adorable, organic, gender neutral and has green to match the baby blanket I’ve been knitting.  Oh yes….and probably way too expensive.

I am getting way ahead of myself, but so be it!  

Amenity Meadow nursery bedding