So today I go for my appt that should have been pretty simple and quick. My bp was 166/102 when I first got there, which wasn’t super surprising since I’ve had the “white coat syndrome” for probably 10 years. I lie on my left side, they come back in 10 minutes later and it is 133/92. That was enough for them to diagnose me and prescribe bp medication.
Doc goes into all the potential problems when your bp is too high, such as your placenta breaking down early, which means baby isn’t getting all the oxygen he needs and it can lead to growth restrictions. So I go for a growth u/s next week so they can see what percentile he is at and then again in four weeks. They want it to be the same rate. If the rate slows, I’m sure they will induce or cut me open. She did talk about how older moms are more likely to have gestational hypertension and that leads to more c-sections. Lovely.
She also mentioned that in extreme cases, placenta abruption can occur and baby can die. She was saying it as a way to stress how important it is to get it under control, but now I have that in my head.
I feel like a big failure and like my body just isn’t equipped to sustain a baby. I’m super pissed that I just can’t catch a break–did I not go through enough with five miscarriages? Now I’m likely dealing with a baby who will be early and a pretty medicalized birth. I know the most important thing is that he gets out of me healthy. But right now I just need to vent and wail and cry and have a pity party before I can just accept this.
And I have expressed to my husband so many times that I can’t do everything and I need help. That is so not like me–I NEVER ask for help. But he hasn’t been around. First it was working two jobs for several weeks for about 70 hours a week. Then it was an ER visit in the middle of that time because he sliced open his knee pretty deep and got a ton of trail gunk in there, so I had to help him with stuff. Now he threw out his back, which was probably injured in the knee incident. It isn’t that he isn’t trying. It is just little things that add up and I’m the one who should get the help right now, damn it.