So I was driving to work the other day when Jeff Buck.ley’s version of “Halle.lujah” came on the radio. What a magnificent song. So I’m not going to pretend to know what it is all about…seems to be a lot of sex to me….but the line “it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah” resonated in a completely new way. That sums up what it feels like to be pregnant (hopefully successfully) again after so many losses. There is a part of me that is so grateful, especially because of the last year and a half. But I can’t be completely joyful. There is just sadness and worry that is always there that people just can’t imagine unless they have had troubles getting and/or staying pregnant. I wonder if it will ever leave? It is ok if it doesn’t–it just is what it is and I can’t change that. That line just keeps running through my head.
Oh. And here is something to hopefully make you laugh. My hubs asks me if I’ve been thinking about names–I have a little, but nothing new is popping up from all the other times I’ve thought about them. He proclaimed that he gets the middle name and wants to use something like “Moonbeam” or “Morning dew.” LOL Unfortunately, he IS serious about naming our child after a paint color. If he wants to get all nature-y with the middle name, I suggested River and he liked that, so there may be some hope!
I also realized that even though I love the name Tess, it is just too close to the dog’s name, Tex. He doesn’t seem to see a problem with that and thinks that wouldn’t be confusing for the dog at all.
My husband cracks me up. I love that he keeps things so interesting!