Dream you’re mine

The journey from miscarriage to whatever comes next

Hallelujah March 27, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 9:35 am
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So I was driving to work the other day when Jeff Buck.ley’s version of “Halle.lujah” came on the radio. What a magnificent song. So I’m not going to pretend to know what it is all about…seems to be a lot of sex to me….but the line “it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah” resonated in a completely new way. That sums up what it feels like to be pregnant (hopefully successfully) again after so many losses. There is a part of me that is so grateful, especially because of the last year and a half. But I can’t be completely joyful. There is just sadness and worry that is always there that people just can’t imagine unless they have had troubles getting and/or staying pregnant. I wonder if it will ever leave? It is ok if it doesn’t–it just is what it is and I can’t change that. That line just keeps running through my head.

Oh. And here is something to hopefully make you laugh. My hubs asks me if I’ve been thinking about names–I have a little, but nothing new is popping up from all the other times I’ve thought about them. He proclaimed that he gets the middle name and wants to use something like “Moonbeam” or “Morning dew.” LOL Unfortunately, he IS serious about naming our child after a paint color. If he wants to get all nature-y with the middle name, I suggested River and he liked that, so there may be some hope!

I also realized that even though I love the name Tess, it is just too close to the dog’s name, Tex. He doesn’t seem to see a problem with that and thinks that wouldn’t be confusing for the dog at all.

My husband cracks me up. I love that he keeps things so interesting!


Preliminary NT scan blood work results March 20, 2009

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We just got our preliminary results from the blood work from the NT scan. The chance of Down’s, which was originally 1:60, is now 1:410 for a 0.2% chance! And the chance of trisomy 18 is 1:10,000. Woo hoo!!!

They will do more blood work on April 8th, which will provide more accuracy. What a relief to have our chances drop though. It is a happy day!


Starting to buy (or think about it) March 19, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 1:59 am
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So I’m starting to feel a mix of “it’s ok to buy baby stuff” and “OMG.  We are going to need so much stuff, so better start shopping!”  My hubby doesn’t know this.  : )

I’ve found that I’m anti-bedding sets overall.  Well, there are some great ones out there, but the things I like are a little spendy and it seems that most of it is not needed (aka bed skirt, quilt, bumper) or may not even be safe.  Going with my pale yellow and aqua theme, I found a couple of fabrics to make sheets.  Here are photos that are similar, although I couldn’t find the exact color combo:

(of course the mac will not allow me to insert the photos, so here are links)

Chestnut branches in an aqua background with yellow branches

Coriander in a yellow background with aqua branches, bottom right

I like! I’ve also been researching and pondering cribs and nursery furniture in general. I thought the convertible crib is the way to go, but most are made from pine and easily scratched. Unless we want to spend quite a bit, which I can’t see doing. This is most likely the only child we’ll give birth to–I’m 39 now and there were five losses to get here. Just imagine what that would be like in my 40s?!? Someday we may adopt, but an older child, so we can’t really justify the cost over multiple kids. IKEA is going to be the way to go for us and there is one just a few miles away. No decisions yet on style or white vs birch, but it is nice to narrow it down after looking at the seemingly endless possibilities. You could drive yourself mad!

It is also a personal goal of mine to never step foot into Babies R Us. I went there with a girlfriend a few years back and that place was NUTS.


Update from NT scan March 16, 2009

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All went well!  I cannot believe there is a little guy in there and he’s so active.  He was busy punching, kicking, and flipping around.  It was pretty cool to see, but also weird to think all that is going on in there and I have no idea!

NT measured just over 1.0 mm, which was really good as they want it to be under 2.5.  Nasal bone was present.  He pointed out quite a few organs and they were doing what they should be.  All appendages were there.   I’ll find out preliminary results from the blood test on Fri or Monday and then go back during week 16 for more blood tests.  This will give more accurate results for Down’s, trisomy 18 and spina bifida.  

And baby is measuring a day ahead!  AHEAD!  I’ve never had a baby measure ahead before.  I know there is variation and one day really doesn’t mean a thing, but that meant a ton to both of us.  Grow baby!

I’m also thrilled (and maybe a little mystified) to say that after 50 weeks in the first tri, tomorrow is officially the second tri.  And with baby measuring a day ahead, I think it is safe to say we made it to the second tri.  Unbelieveable!


NT scan on Monday March 15, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 12:36 am
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We have the NT scan Monday morning. Part of me thinks we have been through so much, that it is finally our turn to have things turn out well. Another part thinks that this is the moment when the other shoe will drop. I am excited to be able to see the baby moving around and see how much further along he is. (Yes, I think it is a boy.)

This is a good site I found to explain what they are looking for at the NT scan and normal results. NT test


The sisterhood and a big ah-ha! March 7, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 2:20 pm

Thanks to Lisa for nominating me for the Sisterhood award.  I feel so fortunate to have found women who understand–who I can cheer on whole-heartedly; share in their disappointment, hurt and frustration; feel so much support and encouragement from each of you.  That is such an award in itself!  So here is how this works….

First of all, I am supposed to be able to copy and paste it into my blog. But I’m a PC girl on a macbook and I just cannot figure it out! I even googled directions and it still isn’t working. Hmph. So imagine a lovely icon and view it at sticks and stims.

Put the logo on your blog or post. (Yeah, well, macs are not my thing!)
Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude. (Some of the blogs I follow were already nominated, so I’ll have less than 10, but still pass along….)
Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.
Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.
Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award. (I’m not sure if I’m technologically advanced enough to do this either!)

And, my nominees are:
1. Ashley
2. Emily
3. Daina
4. Crysbena

So today I am 12 weeks, which is considered second tri in some circles!  I kinda consider myself pre-second tri.  Once I make it through the NT scan in 9 days, then I’ll officially consider myself second tri.  I am still tired, but starting to feel a little more energetic and not as anxious (although I still hate it when people IRL ask me about the pregnancy–I’ll talk about it when I’m feeling up to it!)  This has translated into going to the gym about every other day.  I’ve probably gone to the gym in the last week more than I’ve gone in any single month in the last year and a half!  So last night I do this weight lifting class that I used to do several times a week.  I want to make sure I’m as strong as possible for this little one.  I kept it easy–ranging from 8-14 lbs for each exercise.  And I skipped the ab exercises.  (Does anyone know if there are safe ab exercises in pre-second tri?  My guts just feel wrong about doing crunches and the like.  Maybe the plank is ok?)  As I left, I felt so energized and happy.  Even proud of myself.  Then it hit me.  Ever since that first loss in Oct ’07, I’ve been angry with my body for betraying me.  I hated my body and just wanted to hide it.  That is why I put on the 20 lbs.  That is why ice cream and wine were my main coping mechanisms.  That is why I couldn’t find the energy even between pregnancies to get to the gym.  (I don’t want to sound like a huge gym rat, as I definitely go through phases, but I have worked at a gym, had a great BMI, completed three marathons, etc.  This was a pretty significant change for me.)  

And it was just this huge light bulb moment last night, as I realized I’m starting to trust my body again and wanting to take care of it.  Why did it take so long to figure that out???