Today is 7 weeks and baby is the size of a blueberry. I’m still feeling confident that this is the one, but I just wish time would go by faster! This is a scary time. The one I lost at 11 w stopped growing during the 6th week and the one I lost at 12w4d stopped growing at 8w4d. Both were after seeing the heartbeat, so there is some deep down fear going on inside me. I’m trying hard to live in the present, but cannot forget the past.
I picked up some meditation/guided imagery CDs that I do every other day or so. That is really helping me stay calm and gather as much positive energy as I can. One is a book and CD called “Meditations for Pregnancy.” The book has an affirmation for each week and tips for the week. So for week 7 it talks about how the face is starting to form, specifically the nose. And how you (they are affirmations kinda between you and the baby) will smell so many wonderful things in life and breathe deeply. I like how it celebrates the development that is occurring and looks to how the baby will use that in life. One of the tips is about accepting your feelings and being gentle with yourself for any negative ones. So the book is really helpful on centering on what is occurring right now. The CD is pretty simple. Just some new age-y music and basic meditation stuff–not to say I’m some kind of advanced meditator! But it is “feel the air you are breathing in going through your body, acknowledge your feelings and let them go, etc.” There is v little that is actually pregnancy related.
The other is called “Healthy Pregnancy and Successful Childbirth.” It is a 2 CD set, although the second one is more for when you get close to delivery. The first CD is v much about pregnancy. It really focuses on how your body is supporting the life inside of you. So if you just want the CD, this is better at addressing what is happening in your life currently. There was one big shocker though. It talks about how your body has the wisdom to support this life and expel it when that is the right thing to do. I about had a heart attack the first time I heard that! It just fed into the anxiety I’m trying to keep at bay. But as I have listened to it more, it has given me more peace and acceptance to trust my body.
Last night we saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was good, but I’m ashamed of myself for not knowing more about India and other parts of the world. It is strange to say, but it is kind of a happy, feel good movie. Yet it also contains violence, poverty, abuse, corruption, orphans, greed. Lots of unhappy topics. So it felt like a lot to take in and I’m still feeling a bit conflicted due to going from feelings of “oh, that is so horrible and sad” to “yes, something happy!”