My levels were down to 9.5 yesterday and it looks like AF is starting. Not sure what next steps are, but I’m such a TTC robot that I’ve already calculated when I’ll be likely to ovulate and when I could take another HPT. That has to be a sign of mental illness, right???
“The Other Boelyn Girl” came in the mail yesterday, so I popped that in last night. God, I must be a moron! I had NO IDEA that it was all basically about women with failed pregnancies being traded in for newer, better versions to produce a male. I thought it was just a dramatic period piece where two women love the same man.
I didn’t cry though. It did make me think about how important giving birth has been in the past, not just for legal heirs, but for survival. Imagine the pressure. Of course, they started much younger and much more fertile. We are probably the first generation of women facing this on such a large scale…we’ve been educated, gotten married later, been on the pill forever….all these societal changes have had unforeseen effects.
And then I think about the eggs and that they’ve been in me for a long time now. But then really my eggs hold the material for the eggs of any daughter. My biological mother went through menopause by 40 and had all sorts of problems getting pregnant in her mid to late 30s. She told me about it years ago, before it was important to me, but she said they went through all sorts of things to try to get pregnant. Here I am, with a twist on the same lousy eggs.
And as I stuffed a milky way in my face yesterday, I realized I feel empty. Not sad. Just empty. The milky way didn’t help, but I’ll probably try again today.