Dream you’re mine

The journey from miscarriage to whatever comes next

20 to 20.9 December 9, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 3:21 pm

Not exactly doubling over those four days.  Losing this one is ok–it never really felt that real and it is so early.  But what doesn’t feel so hot is thinking about Christmas around my family and their babies.  Thinking it has to be my eggs, but to get confirmation of that is too expensive and then we wouldn’t be able to adopt.  Wondering if anyone in their right mind would keep trying again after five losses.  Frustration and confusion are the overarching themes.  I don’t know how to come up with the right answer on our next steps.  March has been our deadline for awhile and it is very ingrained into my psyche at this point.  Anything else feels like giving up.  Plus we’d use any money from our tax return and bonus to get the adoption ball rolling, since I’d like to leave our emergency savings in tact.  

So they want me to retest tomorrow.  Apparently when the levels stay flat like this, there is a chance it is in my tube.  At least I get to stop that nasty endometrin.

Thank you so much for all of you checking in and providing support.  You give me strength that I cannot even explain.


4 Responses to “20 to 20.9”

  1. Jenn Says:

    I’m so sorry 😦

  2. Lisa Says:

    I am really sorry. I hope that you are doing okay.

  3. Andrea Says:

    I’m very sorry. I wanted this to be it for you.

    After my fourth miscarriage, I started to think about adoption and it made my head hurt. I don’t understand why things can be so complicated for some, yet taken for granted and come very easily for others.

  4. I am sorry you have go through this. Life sucks! Hasn’t God tortured us enough!

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