Dream you’re mine

The journey from miscarriage to whatever comes next

8 DPO November 30, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 3:18 pm

Last night I had a dream that my period was here.  Last month I dreamt I was pregnant and wasn’t, so maybe this will be the same?  

Right now I’m just kinda “eh” on the symptoms.  I seem to be having quite a few, but they don’t last long and maybe they are imaginary.  Here ya go:

  • Tired
  • Incredibly hungry!
  • Felt woozy several times last night
  • Occasional pain deep in breast and maybe the blue lines are getting more prevalent

I think that is about it.  If I’m not pregnant this month, I may wait until Jan to do another medicated cycle.  I’ve gotten pregnant 4 times on my own by using the same timing we did this month.  The only thing different would be the meds.  

In other news, my poor puppy dog has been having eye problems where they are becoming clouded over.  The vet believes it is pannus, which is seen most often in German Shepherds and can lead to blindness if not treated.  I was completely freaking out about it a couple of days ago and wondering how I could go through losing my sweetie after all the other losses, so was very relieved to find out it is treatable.  So now in addition to the various pills and supplements I take 4 times a day, I have to give her eye drops 4 times and day and an ointment 2 times a day and they can’t be at the same time.  She’s being a good sport about it

 

6 DPO November 28, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 1:43 pm
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I’m finally getting to the interesting part of my cycle where I can obsess about every sign going on in my body.  Wanna join in the fun?

Not much really going on.  I have been peeing a lot and was up for hours last night because my belly was on fire.  Hubby said it is acid indigestion, which is entirely possible on Thanksgiving, right?  Would it start 11 hours after a big meal?  The only time I ever have that feeling is when I am pregnant.  I possibly also have an implantation dip today.  I’m guessing the dip would occur after implantation has occurred, so maybe my body is recognizing I’m pregnant, generating hormones and that is causing the burning in the belly.  Probably not though and I’m just overanalyzing.  See below for chart…

November chart

Fertility friend now has a feature of assigning points with an early pregnancy estimator.  Today I’m at 46 points.  And when I search charts like mine for intercourse pattern and post ovulation temps, they are 54% pregnant.

 

3 DPO–TMI warning! November 25, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 12:01 pm
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So I’m 3 DPO and have to wait another 10 days to test.  Ho hum.  

In addition to having my first cycle with femara, multiple ultrasounds and an hcg trigger shot, they prescribed endometrin.  AKA the devil drug.  I’ve been on progesterone suppositories before.  But I swear they added a little anti-poop medication in there.  I’ll probably have to start wearing a belly band tomorrow since I’m so frigging constipated!  UGH.  And then there is this awful discharge.  Huge quantities of a chalky substance.  It is nasty.

I hate you endometrin.  HATE.  You better be worth it!

 

Preparing for Thanksgiving November 23, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 2:30 pm
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We are getting ready to host our first holiday as a married couple and in our new house.  I’m excited and nervous that we are forgetting something.  I do love having a goal, making a plan and being able to control the progress along the way.  So different than what we’ve been experiencing on the baby making side of things!  So just to get my brain organized around all of this, let’s make a list of our menu to make sure we’ve made our last grocery run…

Appetizers:

Olive tapenade and a spinach artichoke cheese ball (both being made today), blue cheese, grapes and crackers

Meal:

Turkey (this should be interesting!  We’ve never made a turkey in the oven before)

Garlic mashed potatoes

Roasted squash with sage and cranberries

Green beans with roasted pine nuts and shallots

Cranberry sauce

Crescent rolls

Stuffing

Beverages:

Hot apple cider with cinnamon and cloves, coke, and I’m sure we’ll pick up some wine and beer.

In-laws are bringing pies for dessert.  It should be plenty for five of us, especially since two of us are vegetarians!  It feels like I should make a salad, but there is just so much already.  If you are looking for an awesome green bean recipe, search for Not Your Mother’s Green Bean recipe from the Moosewood Cooks at Home book.  My family on both sides always requests it and it has been a hit at any gathering as well.  All you need are green beans, green onions or shallots, parsley, roasted pine nuts and olive oil/balsamic vinegar if I remember from making them a zillion times before.

Am I forgetting anything???

 

Do you hear what I hear?? November 20, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 11:26 pm
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So I’m on my way to the u/s today.  I’m stopped, looking at the Reuse It center to my left and thinking maybe I should stop by later?  All the sudden…WHAM!!  I got rear ended!  And, of course, I have to wonder, does this have meaning in my life?  I mean, honestly I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck often enough with all of this baby stuff, do I really need the full effect?

After my head stopped bouncing around, I thought “oh, maybe it will be totaled!”  No such luck.  There was some scraped paint on the bumper.  So no easy excuse to turn in the 8 year old Corolla with 123k miles.  Don’t get me wrong.  Corollas are decent, reliable cars.  The only teeny, tiny problem is that this is the third time I’ve been rear ended when at a complete stop, plus my hubby hit a deer once.  It isn’t a pristine Corolla and it is our only car.  It does apparently have a unique feature though– special invisible paint like Wonder Woman’s jet.  Honestly people.  Start seeing motorcycles AND Corollas. 

So I get to my appointment, a little shaken and dazed.  Here are the stats:

Right follicle=22.87mm

Left follicles=16.5mm and 12.9mm

So I’m guessing the dud on my left that only grew 1mm in 3 days is now reabsorbed and the 16.5 was the one coming on strong the other day.  But what do I know anyway?  So I got the hcg shot.  The nurse told me we are working with two, but it seems to me that it is really just the one.  I could have done that without the meds and all these darn appointments!  Oh well, we’ll see what happens.

And this is what I hear….

oh yeah….

So this medicated cycle on femara looks like this so far:

CD3 baseline u/s

CD4-7 femara starting with one pill and adding another each day

CD10 u/s with three follicles at 15.5, 15 and 12.5 

CD13 u/s with four follicles at 17.5, 16, 15 and 9

CD15 u/s with three follicles at 21.87, 16.5 and 12.5.  Lining is 10.46. HCG shot.

 

CD13 ultrasound November 19, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 12:44 am
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Progress is happening.  Just slowly.

On the right, we still have the shining star follicle at 17.5mm.  Unfortunately that means it only gained 2mm in 3 days, which is below the expectation of 1-2mm a day.

It gets even worse from there.

On the left, there are now three follicles.  One is 16, which is only 1mm in 3 days!  I am guessing that one is a dud.  Then the 12.5mm one from Sat is coming on strong and is now 15.  Then there is a teeny tiny one at 9mm.

So I calculated their growth rates over the last three days and projected where they would be on Thurs for my next u/s and, more importantly, when they will be ready to pop.  Righty will be ready on Friday.  The dark horse on the left with all the momentum would hit there on Sunday.  

That puts me at cd17 and 19 and I typically ovulate on cd18.  So now I’m wondering if slow pokes indicate lousy quality.  Really I’m wondering if because there are quality issues, it is taking longer for them to grow as they work around that.  Maybe there are the wrong numbers of chromosomes?  Or something is missing?  Maybe that is why I always miscarry?

Why don’t I ever think of this when I’m at the doc???

So we’ll see what Thursday brings.  I don’t anticipate much change.  It is still cool knowing what is going on in there, but I wish they would have listened when I said “do I really need to come in on cd10?  I don’t normally ovulate until cd18.”  I thought maybe this would be different due to the meds.  Next month I’m not going in this much.  It is unnecessary and driving up premium costs, not to mention my copays!

I even came up with a nickname for the twins.  Oompa loompa.  Now it looks like it will be just another lonely egg ovulating late in the cycle.  Let’s hope it is a good one!

 

Femara and mid-cycle spotting? November 16, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 10:07 pm
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So yesterday there were the three follicles, with the largest at 15.5mm.  Today I’m supposed to start using ovulation prediction kits.  It is negative, which I expected, but a second line is starting to show around 20% of the darkness of the control line.  But I’ve really been thrown for a loop.  I’m spotting.  Start of period-like spotting.  Why???

I’m not really finding any answers online.  There is mention of mid-cycle spotting to confirm ovulation, but my eggs wouldn’t be big enough yet, cervix is kinda low, I’m on cd11 (normally ovulate on cd18) and the opk is negative.  There is no reason to think I’m ovulating.  So my irrational, multiple miscarriage survivor side is taking over.  When I see blood, it means loss.  So I’m freaking out thinking I just lost one of my eggs, one of my chances at a baby that will stick.  That doesn’t make any sense!  But I’m not thinking right now.  I’m feeling.   

I think I’m going to spend the rest of the day knitting and just chilling out.  And maybe eat a big bowl of ice cream.