Dream you’re mine

The journey from miscarriage to whatever comes next

How do I wrap my brain around all of this?? October 25, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 12:14 pm
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So we got test results yesterday from the RE.  We definitely have answers, which is freeing.  There are reasons for my miscarriages and it isn’t anything I did.  

So the two good things were everything is good anatomically and chromosomally.  They had done a basic karotype on both of us in Feb that was fine, but after the last loss to Turner’s, they decided to do a more advanced one looking at mosaicism.  That was good news indeed.

Everything else is bad.

Hormones:  my FSH is elevated, but just barely at a 10.5.  It just means we don’t have time to mess around.  He said other tests for egg quality are not reliable once your FSH is above a 10.  And my testosterone is elevated.  Lovely.  He said he wasn’t worried about that, but let him know if I start having excessive hair growth.  (Aren’t gray hairs and wrinkles enough to handle???)  My thyroid level has dropped from 5.2 to 3.4 and he wants it to go lower.

Blood clotting:  I tested positive for a mutation of MTHFR.  They took more blood from me and I’m wishing they could install a valve in my arm right about now.  This will test homocystine.  If that is high, I’ll have to do heparin shots.  And if you believe everything you read on the internet, I have an increased chance of blood clots, heart disease and strokes.

Antigens:  There is something going on with my adrenal gland.  I don’t remember the details except he wants me on metformin, which apparently makes you farty.  This is known as the farty pill in our household.

So on a daily basis, I will be taking the farty pill (probably with a side of gas-x), thyroid med, prenatal, omega 3, alpha lipoic acid, co q10 and folgard.  The last three are doctors orders.  ALA and co q10 may help with the process of the chromosomes all merging together.  Folgard is a high dose of folic acid and B vitamins and he wants me on that due to the blood clotting disorder.  So I’m ok with taking stuff, particularly the supplements.  

Then for the next month, he wants me to start fertility meds to ensure I ovulate and be monitored so they can inject me with more stuff (hcg and progesterone.)  It would be a medicated cycle with femara step up protocol.  And possibly I’ll have to do heparin shots.  It seems like there will be days where I’m taking multiple meds, supplements and injections.  And I just wonder if it is worth it for us.  Everyone has to figure out where they draw the line and I think we are getting close to ours.  Because then I add in all the scary stats about chromosome problems when the mother is 39.  So am I going to go through all of this medical intervention to do what my body can’t do on my own and end up with another loss or a baby with significant defects?  Why in the world am I doing this?  (I can see why others do based on different motivations, so don’t feel like I’m questioning anyone else’s decisions.)

Here’s where he laid my odds of just getting pregnant:

medicated cycle 1-3%

IUI 5-10%

IVF 30-40%

Now I do disagree with the stats on the medicated cycle.  We got pregnant on the 5th month of charting.  That is when I realized that we get pregnant when we time it the day before ovulation.  No other timing works for us.  Since then, I’ve gotten pregnant every single time we have that timing and not gotten pregnant with any other pattern.  So to drop my odds down to 3% max when we are being monitored and will have an even better idea of when I’m ovulating just doesn’t seem right.  Yes, I’m almost 39 and my ovaries are headed for retirement.  I’m probably not going to be as successful as I have been in getting pregnant.  But it worked twice this year.

This appt did make me realize we will not be doing IVF.  My body just seems to have too many things going on and I can accept that we adopt.  The pregnancy path has lead to nothing but disappointment and heartache.  There are babies out there just waiting to be loved and the thought of adoption seems daunting, but more hopeful right now.  We’ll probably try this medicated cycle, but we won’t be doing much more than that.


2 Responses to “How do I wrap my brain around all of this??”

  1. Lisa Says:

    Hey girl, that is SO MUCH information to process – I am feeling for you. Do you feel better that you have answers or does it feel worse? I have been having some of the same feelings about why we are pursuing this – everyone does have their limits and I am reaching mine after two losses. That being said, I think I have one more try left in me – what about you? ((HUGS))

  2. Jessica Says:

    I feel ya. those stats seem so wrong. I had a failed IVF last May.. all embryos were ‘unviable”.. No one went ver stats for IVF.. we assumed they we 95% or so.. NOPE …They are MUCH LOWER. I have had 2 m/c this year. NATURAL conception with intercourse 2 or 3 days before Ovulation. When we try on the day or day prior I dont get prego. I think we are all a little different regardless what science says. One would assume if you had intercourse the day you ovulate, you would get prego… NOPE…
    My work up for the m/c was basic all anat. was good.. bloodwork seems normal. BUT I am homozygous for A1298C mutation MTHFR.

    SO… if I am not hyperstim, I am doing clomid, progesterone this cycle.. while taking prenatals and Folgard on MY REQUEST and baby aspirin. Each pregnancy I add on drug.. so I ahopig soemthign works. I too dont know how far to go .. when do you stop… is it worth it. What if I am just going to end up disappointed every month…. or have another m/c. !?!? People do not understand how precious pregnancy is… I would give anything to b prego and have a little healthy baby who will outlive me!

    Baby dust and hugs… just know there are soooo many of us out there…jr

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