Dream you’re mine

The journey from miscarriage to whatever comes next

Struggling…. July 21, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 11:02 pm
Tags: , , ,

So they are converting to a new computer system at the doctor’s office.  First thing they had to do was go through my paperwork and enter it into the system.  That is when I’ve heard “you’ve had four pregnancies….and no babies (gasp)….I am so sorry.”  I lost it and now want to have a big ol’ pity party.  Why do I have to be THAT girl?!  

Then the nurse practitioner does a pap and says that my cervix is really sensitive and I will probably spot for the next couple of days.  It is true.  I always spot after paps.  But seeing blood every time I wipe is placing a major mind phuck on me.

Then my husband just left town and I won’t see him until Sunday.  To go on vacation with his friends.  Riding his stupid bike across stupid Iowa.  (I actually like Iowa and bikes, but it all feels stupid right now.)  So I feel abandoned and jealous.  I’m so tired, but I’m going to have to do everything this week.  

And Friday was the due date for my second baby.  The one who was supposed to be “it”, since it lasted 11 weeks.  Oh, and my sister in law is due 8 days after that, so she’ll be having her baby any second.

I really don’t know how I’m going to make it through this week.

The only good news is I scheduled the NT scan and they require an ultrasound before then.  So that is scheduled for next Tues.

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