Dream you’re mine

The journey from miscarriage to whatever comes next

Paranoia?? July 11, 2008

Anyone who has gone through a miscarriage and is pregnant again has moments of doubt and fear.  I’ve been trying really hard to stay positive and my mantra is “today I’m pregnant.”  Right now, I’m just not feeling that confident.  I don’t know if I sense something on an unconscious level or if it is just the fear creepy in, reminding me of what is happened before.

So I found myself taking a pregnancy test this afternoon and checking my cervix.  The test was a strong positive, even thought it was a very light yellow.  And there is no spot of blood.  It has lessened the fear…a little.  You see, I was sitting at my desk earlier and had some cramping.  It seemed all too familiar.  

Hopefully it was nothing.  Maybe it was just gas.  But it has definitely thrown a dark cloud over me.

Time will tell.  Today I’m pregnant.

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