Dream you’re mine

The journey from miscarriage to whatever comes next

The return of nausea July 31, 2008

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I hadn’t felt it since just before 6 weeks, but it kicked in again at 7w2d during the afternoon and got worse in the evening.  Now I’m up at 2 am needing to pee and it is still there.  Yea for nausea!  

It feels like it is getting stronger….I’m reassured, but scared.  Whatever it takes though.  Bring it on, little blueberry.

 

On to week 7: it’s a blueberry! July 29, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 12:39 am
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I’ve officially made it to week 7 and the baby is supposed to be the size of a blueberry.  Week 6 was pretty scary with the lessening of symptoms, spotting, cramping and having my hubby out of town.  Plus none of my pregnancies have developed past week 6, although I remained pregnant until 11 weeks with one of them.  So here’s to a better week 7!

Things are looking promising.  My food aversion has started up again, where the thought of most food makes me gag.  That is why I had pretzels and chocolate milk for lunch.  Everything else sounded nasty.  You know if you look through your cleavage and see the bottom band of your bra?  That should be against my torso, right?  Well, they still fit in the cups, but I’m thinking the bra is getting too small because I see about a half inch space between my bra and torso.  I am TIRED.  Woke up at 7.  Napped at work from 1-2.  And I’ve wanted to go to bed since I walked in the door at 6.  So symptoms seem to be picking up.

The only negative is I just saw some light pink spotting.  Ugh.  I hate spotting.

 

Good sign on the house! July 27, 2008

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So we made an offer on a house in the neighborhood on May 8.  It is a short sale, so needs to have the seller’s bank approve the offer.  It has been a slow, discouraging process.  But things are looking promising!  Today we had to sign an addendum from the bank that basically says it is the sellers who are selling the house, not them.  Our relator believes this should be the last step before hearing an acceptance this week.  We are so excited!

 

I have decided…. July 26, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 9:39 am

…that even though all my symptoms have now seemed to disappear (even my boobs don’t seem sore anymore!), I am just going to think positively and enjoy the lack of symptoms for as long as they last.

 

1st ultrasound July 25, 2008

I was supposed to have an ultrasound next week to measure the baby so the timing of the NT scan would be correct.  But then I started spotting red yesterday and my symptoms have been non-existent this week, so they moved it up to today.

They saw the baby, measuring 6w2d, and a heartbeat of 122.  From what they said and what I’ve found online, that is a healthy heartbeat at this point.  So that was great news and very reassuring.

I talked to the doctor about my disappearing symptoms.  She said that given my history, they won’t consider me out of the woods until 10 weeks.  She did say not to worry about the symptoms, but to call if I have more spotting and cramping.

I’m still scared.  My second pregnancy lasted until 11 weeks and we had an ultrasound at 7w2d due to spotting.  We saw a heartbeat then too, but they couldn’t get a measurement on the rate and it was measuring a little behind.   There were no signs of anything being wrong from 7w2d until 11w.  When I miscarried, they said it only developed to sometime during the 6th week.  So on the one hand, this is the furthest I’ve been since we have a healthy heartbeat.  On the other, I need to shake this feeling of history repeating itself and start to feel confident again.

 

Ultrasound tomorrow

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My clinic set up an appointment tomorrow for an ultrasound and discussion with the doctor.  I’m glad they were able to get me in, but I’m dreading going to another ultrasound where it isn’t something to be excited about doing.  I’m tired of seeing all those pregnant bellies in the waiting room and hear strangers talking excitedly, mothers telling mothers-to-be what an experience they have to look forward to.  I’m tired of having all the future visits outlined for me, hearing about the 20 week ultrasound and being filled with doubt that I’ll ever be there.  

After the third miscarriage and all the testing, the doc said it is chromosomal and we just need to keep trying, that eventually we’ll get a healthy egg and sperm.  I can’t keep doing what has failed.  That just doesn’t make sense to me.  I think it may be time to switch to an RE.

I know I sound like I’ve given up hope for this baby.  I’m trying hard not to, but I want to be realistic too.  And my reality is that I’m still spotting red, my symptoms are barely there and my cervix feels low and open.

 

Scared July 24, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — agplatters @ 11:00 am
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I just woke up and saw some red spotting.  It is different than the spotting I had with the pap.  That was red right afterwards and was just blood to start, but had been pink, brown and non-existent since Monday.  This was more like red streaks in the cervical discharge (that probably sounds gross, but I’m trying to be honest), like before my period.  

The nausea I had over the weekend has stopped.  The burping is a lot less frequent.  The constipation has been gone for days.  

Shit.

I’m trying to stay calm and think about how spotting is normal.  Take the wait and see approach.  I think I’ll be freaking out by noon though.