Due dates are a big deal. It is one of the first things an expectant mom can focus on and it means everything in those early days of pregnancy. My first due date was June 19, which I thought was awesome for a Minnesota baby. There was no chance of a blizzard, so I probably wouldn’t have to deliver in a snow drift as we got stranded on the way to the hospital. (Yep, I thought about this!) My parents could easily travel the six hours that time of year to be there.
Of course, I didn’t have long to dream about this day, as I lost the baby approximately a week after finding out I was pregnant. But June 19 didn’t disappear from the calendar. I was so naive when the first miscarriage happened–I truly believed I would be pregnant again by then. Well, I was pregnant again…two more times…yet I found myself 100% not pregnant on June 19.
How do you deal with an empty uterus on the due date that wasn’t? I don’t know if there is an answer to that. I think there are two main things though:
1. Be true to yourself. I couldn’t go through the day as if it were just another day. I couldn’t pretend everything was ok. So I stayed home. I cried when I needed to and did things I enjoyed.
2. If you want the day to be acknowledged, tell someone. As women who have had miscarriages, we remember all the time. Maybe others have people in their lives who remember the milestones and can anticipate tough times. I do not. So I reminded my husband. I wish I didn’t have to and I suppose I’m a little angry and hurt on some level. If I hadn’t said anything, I would have gone through the day alone without any acknowledgement or support. I needed that, so I asked for it. And he did great.
It was a tough day, but it is another thing to get through after all the other tough things we go through in losing a baby. For some reason, it feels like a heaviness was lifted as I came to accept that I didn’t have my baby due that day and didn’t have any baby growing inside me. I’m amazed at how resilient we can be and how hope can return over and over. So we are back to trying again.