I’ve been thinking about some of the comments yesterday with the doctor. She said that even after 3 m/cs, there is a 71% chance of having a live birth. She also said if I want to parent, there is a 100% chance of that. I mentioned my concerns about requirements related to length of marriage and she said if we do not qualify for other agencies, there are always children in the foster car system. She would connect me with parents who have done that and would not have it any other way.
So when I’m feeling hopeless, I gotta remember that. Maybe that will prevent me from raiding the fridge or dipping into our dwindling stock of wine.
We are open to adoption. How could we not be? I’m adopted and my husband has aunts and uncles who are. We were both raised in families who have been built by it. Earlier this week, I got An Idiot’s Guide to Adoption through paperback swap. I do feel pulled in that direction, but it would be weird to never be part of a family where nobody looks alike or can answer questions at the doctor that start with “any family history of…” Actually, that is my normal. (Luckily I have a relationship with both birthparents and her children now. It is an unusual relationship–there is definitely love there, but there really isn’t a way to say what we are to each other. It is like holding something really common in your hand, like an apple, and saying “this reminds me of something. What is it? What do I do with it?”)
So we’ll see what the next round of tests bring. There was talk of follicle stimulating drugs or just keep trying each month as possible outcomes. So my choices could be those or give up on trying. I say I want a plan. But do I really want to choose between those plans?