New symptom alert July 19, 2008

And it’s a biggie.  I think I might be starting to get queasy.  My burping has become much stronger and sometimes is feeling like it will be accompanied.  My dinner from 14 hours ago feels like it is still just sitting in my belly rotting.  And I had a couple of sensations in my head last night like a big whoosh when the floor drops out from under you on a ride or I feel sick.  

I’ve been waiting and hoping for this one, but I have to admit I’m kinda scared!  Even though this is my fourth pregnancy, I’ve never had morning sickness before.  I don’t know what to expect.  It is a wonderful sign for me though.

My husband rocks! July 17, 2008

He was working at the bike shop tonight, which means I don’t see him until morning.  He surprised me around 9 with a double scoop ice cream cone for his pregnant wife.  It was delivered while I laid in bed and he brought me a damp paper towel so I wouldn’t have to get out of bed to wipe my hands.  

I’ll take ice cream over flowers any day!!

Ho hum July 17, 2008

That about sums up week 5 so far.  Pretty much the same ol’ thing–sore boobs, tired, bloated.  The symptoms go from intense to slight.  It was reassuring to read that it is normal for symptoms to vary from day to day.

I wish I could speed up the first tri.  This is my 7th month of it since September, after all.

My mantras are:

Today I’m pregnant

Worry doesn’t help (this one is particularly effective in the middle of the night when my brain feels like it is about to start racing)

On to week 5 July 15, 2008

I started week 5 yesterday.  Things seem to be progressing.  My fatigue and boob pain have intensified.  I’ve now added constipation to the list.  Under most circumstances, I’d be feeling pretty miserable right now, but I find a lot of reassurance in symptoms.  

Unfortunately, work has been really busy lately, including my third 8 am meeting in a row.  After today’s, I’m blocking off my calendar for meetings until at least 9.  Sleep is just too precious to me right now to let anything interfere with it.

Milestone two: passed! July 13, 2008

This pregnancy has now exceeded the length of my first and third one, which both ended with miscarriages.  I’m a little conflicted in celebrating that, since there is sadness tied to those pregnancies and dates.  It is bittersweet indeed.

Overall, things seem to be progressing just fine and there hasn’t been a single speck of blood.  I’m trying to stay positive and celebrate each day.  

Next milestone: doctor’s appt in 8 days

Hello, hormones! July 12, 2008

Didn’t know I could laugh and cry at the same time.

Paranoia?? July 11, 2008

Anyone who has gone through a miscarriage and is pregnant again has moments of doubt and fear.  I’ve been trying really hard to stay positive and my mantra is “today I’m pregnant.”  Right now, I’m just not feeling that confident.  I don’t know if I sense something on an unconscious level or if it is just the fear creepy in, reminding me of what is happened before.

So I found myself taking a pregnancy test this afternoon and checking my cervix.  The test was a strong positive, even thought it was a very light yellow.  And there is no spot of blood.  It has lessened the fear…a little.  You see, I was sitting at my desk earlier and had some cramping.  It seemed all too familiar.  

Hopefully it was nothing.  Maybe it was just gas.  But it has definitely thrown a dark cloud over me.

Time will tell.  Today I’m pregnant.

Milestone one: passed! July 10, 2008

Today is 16 DPO.  I had my third miscarriage at 15-16 DPO.  This time, the baby is locked and loaded!

Next milestone: making it to Sunday will also surpass my first miscarriage

New pregnancy symptoms:

• gassy, bloated
• sometimes more sensitive to smells
• last night felt a little queasy after eating chocolate, one of my favorite food groups!  I made a deal with the baby that I’d gladly give it up if he/she will stick around this time
• irrationality??  This  was demonstrated by buying a maternity shirt already.  Hey, I’m bloated and wanted jeans that are comfortable.  No luck, so I had to make myself feel better somehow, right?!?
• possible hair and skin changes.  My hair is getting straighter and my face is really dry.
• creamy discharge.  Is that too gross to say?

In other news, we continue to wait on the house.  We put an offer in May 13 on a short sale.  Apparently there is a step in the process towards the end where a broker’s price opinion or BPO is done to determine what the house would sell at if the owner forecloses.  The bank uses this to determine if it is more beneficial to accept the short sale or take over ownership in a foreclosure.  Apparently our offer was at or above the BPO and this is one of the last steps in the process, if not the last, before the bank makes the decision.  Our patience is wearing thin, but there really isn’t anything else out there that delights us so.

If you are considering purchasing a house that is a short sale, you really need the flexibility that you don’t need to find housing by a certain date.  All along, we knew we wouldn’t put our house on the market until we bought and moved (too many animals and too much stuff in too small of a house!)  So we have been saving up for a period of two mortgages and have the ability to pay both payments through our income.  If we didn’t have that flexibility, this would never work.  Still might not, but what can ya do?

15 DPO July 8, 2008

Pregnancy symptoms started yesterday.  So far here is what I’ve got:

• Tired, especially in early afternoon
• Boobs are starting to get sore–they have already been huge for awhile
• Getting up to pee a lot

I’m not going to worry about weight, but here is where I am at:  149.  That is at 5′2″.  Ugh.  But I was in the low 130s a year ago.  The three miscarriages really took a toll on me.

So I have scheduled the first appointment.  My clinic does a 6 week appt with the nurse practitioner and she explains all the facts and options for women with advanced maternal age.  That will be July 21.

4 weeks today July 7, 2008

 

Yeah, yesterday I said I was 4 weeks, 1 day.  That is what fertility friend told me.  But I ovulate a little later than most, so I’ve revised it to 4 weeks today.  And my due date, if using ovulation date, is March 16 or St Pat’s depending on which tool I use.  Since I’m Irish with red hair (thanks Loreal!) and freckles, plus I lived in Dublin for six months, I like the idea of a little St Patrick’s baby.

I think with this pregnancy, I’m going to focus on acceptance.  I’m so tired, but my mind is super active.  So as I lie awake last night, I thought about how I’m pregnant right now and whatever happens along the way is ok.  Of course I want this baby desperately.  But there aren’t any guarantees and I’d like to believe I’m more prepared this time for the possibility of losing the baby.  I don’t think anyone can understand that if they haven’t had multiple miscarriages.  With the first pregnancy, it was all excitement and nerves.  With the second, it was cautious and I had a lot of trepidation.  With the third, it seemed inevitable since none of my tests were really strong and I spotted a lot.