Struggling…. July 21, 2008

So they are converting to a new computer system at the doctor’s office.  First thing they had to do was go through my paperwork and enter it into the system.  That is when I’ve heard “you’ve had four pregnancies….and no babies (gasp)….I am so sorry.”  I lost it and now want to have a big ol’ pity party.  Why do I have to be THAT girl?!  

Then the nurse practitioner does a pap and says that my cervix is really sensitive and I will probably spot for the next couple of days.  It is true.  I always spot after paps.  But seeing blood every time I wipe is placing a major mind phuck on me.

Then my husband just left town and I won’t see him until Sunday.  To go on vacation with his friends.  Riding his stupid bike across stupid Iowa.  (I actually like Iowa and bikes, but it all feels stupid right now.)  So I feel abandoned and jealous.  I’m so tired, but I’m going to have to do everything this week.  

And Friday was the due date for my second baby.  The one who was supposed to be “it”, since it lasted 11 weeks.  Oh, and my sister in law is due 8 days after that, so she’ll be having her baby any second.

I really don’t know how I’m going to make it through this week.

The only good news is I scheduled the NT scan and they require an ultrasound before then.  So that is scheduled for next Tues.

6 weeks and doctor appt July 21, 2008

My first doctor’s appointment is this morning.  It is just an educational session where they will tell me to take pre-natals (15 months into it), what to eat, tests I can have and typical scheduled appts.  Last time they also spent some time talking about my “advanced maternal age” and all the stats around Down’s or other chromosomal problems.  Such fun!

I am trying to balance my desire for some reassurance with the appropriate utilization of services.  You see, I work for a health insurance company and we have a strong focus on how the cost of care is driving up costs for everyone.  People don’t generally understand that the more services they have done, the higher the overall costs become, which is passed on through premiums.  So I really want an early ultrasound around 8 weeks.  Shoot, if they could squeeze me in today, I’d jump at the chance.  But then I feel guilty for pushing for things outside of the typical protocol.  And I wonder what difference it will make if things aren’t going well.

But shouldn’t I be a high risk pregnancy?  I’m 38, having my 4th pregnancy in 10 months and have never given birth.  

I’m a little paranoid because my second pregnancy lasted for 11 weeks.  I had some spotting at 7w2d and they got me in for an ultrasound right away.  We saw a heartbeat and they said it was a little behind schedule, but nothing to worry about.  When I miscarried at 11 weeks, they said it only developed to the 6th week.  So it was developing slowly and stopped at some point during those 4 weeks, but I still had symptoms of pregnancy and none of miscarriage until 11 weeks.  So I want to know the baby is developing according to schedule.  

Symptoms are still kinda the same….the last couple of days there were a couple times where I needed to high tail to the bathroom due to nausea.  It passes right away though.  That is reassuring since I’ve never had morning sickness with the other pregnancies, but I’d still like it to be full blown.